Chapter 15 Watching

Open carports lined the alley. Here and there, porch lights shed a dim yellow glow on the pitted ground. A couple of small cinderblock apartment buildings rose between the one-story houses. Sounds of dinner preparations and aromas of teriyaki chicken, fish, and frying onions wafted through open kitchen windows.

“Everyone be really careful through here,” I said. “There are potholes everywhere.”

Esther said, “Those smells are making me hungry.”

“We’ll be home in a ten minutes,” I said.

We trudged a few more yards in silence. Movement behind a second floor apartment window caught my eye. Needing an excuse to rest, I halted and leaned on my cane.

Esther, who’d been following too close, slammed into me, nearly knocking me to the ground.

“Oops—sorry,” she said, grabbing my arm to steady me.

I held up a hand to quiet her, my eyes trained on the window.

Violet and Mae pulled up on either side of us and sat on their walkers. Kaulana stopped her scooter. Silvie, Francesca, and Coralee gathered near.

“What d’you see, Lillian?” Mae asked.

I pointed.

A young man stood facing the curtainless window, his café-au-lait skin illuminated by a standing lamp. His curly brown hair was pulled into a ponytail that fell halfway down his back. He stared blankly at the glass, fingering the top button of his blue chambray shirt.

“Can he see us?” Esther whispered.

“It’s too dark out here,” I said. “He’s gotta be looking at his own reflection.”

“That boy’s got some long legs,” Coralee said.

“Oooh,” said Tiare. “Long is good. Long legs, long hair, long …”

A hush fell as he worked the buttons open, one by one. The last button fell loose. He eased the shirt off well-muscled shoulders and let it drop to the floor. His rock-hard abs cast chiseled shadows …

I know, I know. It sounds like a cheesy romance novel. But that’s exactly what is was like—a scene out of a cheesy romance novel.

“Look at those muscles,” Violet said.

Esther whispered, “He must work really hard.”

“A hard man is good to find,” said Coralee.

“Shhhh,” Tiare hissed.

The young man tilted his head to one shoulder, then the other, as if to loosen a crick in his neck. There was a collective gasp from the ladies as he reached for the fly of his Levis, then popped the brass button free.

He slid the zipper down. One hand reached behind his head. His bicep bulged as he massaged the back of his neck.

Violet said, “I could take care of that stiffness.”

Tiare shushed her.

Kaulana whispered, “Come let Auntie Kaulana give you some lomi lomi.”

“You mean some punani,” Tiare said.

What was this, Junior High? I wanted to shoot each of them my most incredulous look, but didn’t dare take my eyes off the window. I wasn’t about to miss what came next.

With a thumb hooked in each side of his waistband he, ever so slowly, eased the jeans down over narrow hips. I began to wonder if he could be aware he had an audience, because he sure seemed to be playing us.

“Come to Mama …” Coralee breathed out

“Big deal,” Mae said impatiently. “You’ve seen one, you’ve seen ’em all.”

“Shhhh,” Tiare repeated, louder this time.

His jeans fell. He stepped out of them.

“Lordy, lordy, lordy,” Esther intoned as she bent over and did a stomping dance in a tight circle.

Francesca let out a low wolf whistle.

“Sweet Jesus,” said Kaulana.

Coralee said, “Amen, sister.”

“Boy oh boy,” Tiare breathed.

“Cockadoodledoooooo!” Sylvie sang out, having recovered nicely from her earlier funk.

Tiare shushed her. “Quiet. He’ll hear us.”

The group fell silent. We were treated to fifteen seconds of the Full Monty while he laced his fingers behind his head and stretched his arms back. My hand flew to my chest. My heart thudded so hard against my ribs, I wondered how much more it could take.

Then he turned and disappeared through a doorway, no doubt saving me from a heart attack.

A minute passed before anyone recovered the power of speech. “I zink vee go home now,” Francesca said. “Show eez over.”

Sylvie said, “I say we wait. He has to come back out.”

In spite of my throbbing knees, I was tempted. “He’s probably taking a shower,” I said. “It could be a while.”

“Let’s take a vote,” Coralee said. “Who wants to go home?”

No one voted to leave.

“My knees are killing me,” I said. “I need to find a place to sit.”

Violet stood. “Here, Lillian. You sit on my walker.”

I eased myself onto the padded leopard-print seat and closed my eyes. After a few minutes my heart rate slowed and my breathing returned to normal. I was in the middle of a fantasy of frozen bags of vegetables on my knees, when a deafening screech shattered the silence.

I leapt to my feet, my heart beating wildly, my breath coming in gasps as a blaring siren echoed between the buildings.

“It’s a car alarm,” Coralee shouted above the cacophony.

We gaped up and down the alley, unable to tell which direction it was coming from.

I spotted Esther in an open carport, her brown eyes bulging in panic as she struggled her bulk off the bumper of a pickup truck. Her lips moved but the alarm drowned out her words.

The back door of the house flew open. A local man pounded down the steps. “Who wen’ touch my truck?” he roared. He saw Esther, came to a halt, and silenced the alarm.

“Wasn’t me,” Esther said the instant the noise stopped. “I didn’t touch your truck.”

She was lying like a five-year-old caught with her hand in the cookie jar, but as Team Captain I felt I needed to back her up.

 I hobbled as fast as I could with the aid of my cane, and stood beside her. “We’re the Neighborhood Watch group.” I tugged on my tee shirt to prove it. “We’re patrolling the area.”

“You seen anyone near my truck, Auntie?”

“No, sir,” I said. “We were just passing through when we heard the alarm. We hurried over to investigate, but there was no one around.”

He looked dubiously at our patrol of nine elderly ladies with our matching neon shirts and various mobility aids.

Tiare stepped forward. “This will go in tonight’s report. We’ll add this alley to our regular route for a while. Just to make sure everything’s okay.”

The woman lies without flinching and thinks fast on her feet. Had she been a lawyer?

“T’ank you, Aunties,” the man said. “I really ’preciate you looking out for da neighborhood.” He waved a hand and turned toward the steps. “Take care now. Have a good night.”

“You too,” we all called out. “Aloha.”

When he’d gone into his house, I turned back to the building across the alley. The window where we’d seen the young man was now dark. “He must’ve finished his shower,” I said. “Looks like we missed him.”

“I guess there won’t be no hana hou tonight,” Kaulana said,

Sylvie said, “Esther, if you haven’t parked your oversized ‘okole on that man’s truck …”

“Enough!” Francesca barked. “I am hungry.”

“And exactly what are you hungry for?” Sylvie asked.

“I vould like a nice hot bratwurst.”

“Wouldn’t we all,” said Violet.

This set off shrieks of laughter.

“Thanks to Esther, you’ll have to wait till next Thursday night for more bratwurst!” Coralee hooted.

“Nein,” Francesca said. “Tonight I vill have bratwurst in my home. You vill see.”

“I prefer a nice, thick kielbasa slathered with Grey Poupon,” said Violet, patting her hair into place.

“I love those foot-long hot dogs,” Sylvie giggled. “You know, the ones that plump when you cook ’em!”

“None of that for me.” Coralee licked her lips. “I need heat … like a spicy Italian sausage.”

“Yesssss, something hot,” Kaulana sighed with a glance toward the darkened window. “A big, fat Portuguese sausage.”

“A delicious knackwurst satisfies me,” murmured Tiare. She eyed me. “Too bad Jews don’t eat sausage.”

I bristled, but before I could reply, Violet said, “You’re telling me you never tasted sausage, Lillian?”

“Lillian’s a vegetarian,” Esther said.

“Meat will never pass through her lips,” said Coralee.

More laughter.

My cheeks flushed. I could not believe the turn the conversation had taken. Then I remembered how, twenty minutes ago, the women had almost come to blows. At least now they were having a good time, even if it was at my expense.

I decided to play along. “Nothing goes in my mouth unless it’s kosher.”

“Woo hoo, Lillian!” Coralee said.

Above the hoots and guffaws, Sylvie said, “Hey—I hear Arnie’s kosher.”

The laughter came to an abrupt halt. Silence fell over the group. Even in the dark I felt Kaulana, Coralee, Violet, Tiare, and Francesca hit me with lethal stares.

Mae set her hands on her hips. “What is wrong with all of you?” She glared at each of the ladies in turn.

I shot her a grateful look for coming to my defense.

“Sausages are filled with nitrites, preservatives and fat,” Mae said. “In numerous studies, processed meats have been linked to cancer and heart disease. Not to mention they’re full of calories.”

“Gee Mae, you don’t eat sausage?” Sylvie asked innocently.

“No way. I take care of my health and you should too.”

The laughter resumed.

Mae stared at the others as if they’d gone crazy. “I’m going home,” she huffed, and headed down the alley, the wheels of her walker grinding over the gravelly pavement.

“I think we all need to be going,” I said, and started after Mae’s retreating figure.

As we made our way back to Kon Tiki Sands, I spotted Mae’s short, stocky figure ahead of us, pushing her walker with determination, as if she didn’t want anybody to know she was part of our group.